 Chortler Features
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WORLD NEWS
Skating Judges Give Win to Mugabe
After several days of deliberations, a team of Olympic skating judges has awarded Robert Mugabe with a commanding victory in the Zimbabwean elections held last week.
The judges, who served as impartial observers that were personally selected by Mugabe himself, said that the vote in Zimbabwe was conducted under the same free and fair conditions used by skating judges during international competitions.
"Only an Olympic event could have been carried off with the same degree of integrity. Besides, nobody can spin an election like Mugabe. Iâll give him a 5.7 just for chutzpah," declared the French judge.
The election panel consisted of members from China, Russia, Poland, Ukraine and France, the same group that had stunned the international sporting world last month in Salt Lake City with their judicial prowess.
The judges say they are currently planning to gain enough notoriety through various high-profile events around the world so that in a few years they may be able to demand a high appearance fee on future episodes of "Celebrity Boxing."
But, before that happens, the judges will move on to teach a special class in ethics this semester at the Kenneth Lay School of Business.
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