 Chortler Features
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YURP
Letter from far, far away...
From: George W Bush
To: Fellow Amuricans
Subject: My Trip to Yurp
Dear Friends and Compassionate Freedom Loving People Everywhere:
As many of you know I have traveled extensively through the world, I must have been to Amarillo over a hundred times, but this is my first trip to Yurp and I am happy to be here. The people have been so welcoming. Why even the Yurpean press has put me on the front page, (unlike the Washington press that still has Clinton there), with headlines like Bush est un Idiot, Bush es Loco and Bush ist ein Dummkaupf.
Good thing I studied up on Yurp by watching that Chevy Chase film between playing Sony Play Station aboard Air Force One while coming over. Pres I mean Vice-President Cheney also said I had to learn all the names of leaders and the countries I was visiting.
First I went to strengthen Hispanically oriented ties by going to a town called Madrid. I knew I would like this place and the thousands of Madridites there to greet me on the street. I know we saw eye to eye almost all things except for the death penalty, land mines, global warming, trade, and the rest of the policies my Administration has instituted since coming into office.
Then I went to some city called Brussels, you know that place that makes those sprouts you push to the side of the plate to get at your hamburger. There I met a French guy named Chirac and German guy named Schroder. I kinda got a feeling from what they were saying to each other in all those funny languages of theirs that they didn't like me.
So I knew we would have a tough meeting but I think I made some progress because in the end I got them to agree to disagree. They will continue to agree with everything they all say and disagree with everything I say. I always said I was a consensus builder.
Later one of these funny talkin' foreign leaders named Tony asks me in this real strange acccent "Are you a unilateralist?"
"Watch it buster," I tell him. "I'm a happily married man."
Turns out the guy is British. Now I think it would have helped if State Department had supplied me with a British interpreter so I can communicate better with this guy.
Then I went to Sweden and by golly if they don't talk a lot like that chef on the Muppets. Thousands of people were outside wearing only T-shirts that said "Bush Go Home" -- which goes to show how well my policy on global warming is working because I heard it can get pretty cold there in Sweden.
Soon I will be off to Slovenakia to meet a Russian guy named Putin or something. This won't be easy, but the Russians have to understand that they are not the enemy. Rather, they are a friend who we don't exactly trust. And because they are a friend we don't hesitate to break out of a missile agreement we have had with this friend for the past thirty years. Good friends have to know that their friends are going to back out of agreements now and then.
Well, it ain't easy being Prez and I can hardly wait to get back home and chase kudzu on my ranch.
Bye for now,
- George
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