 Chortler Features
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ANNOUNCEMENTS
Labor Department Issues Warnings Just For The Heck Of It
After grossly underperforming in the realm of cautioning the public in recent months, the Department of Labor announced a series of warnings today in an attempt to regain some ground on other Departments, namely Justice, Defense and Homeland Security.
"We would like to warn all Americans at this time to always bend their knees when lifting heavy objects, not to stay out in the sun too long and not to use their cell phones while driving," admonished Elaine Chao, the often forgotten labor secretary, in a very stern voice.
"Itâs about time they warned about something. People were starting to wonder if there still was a Department of Labor, especially under a Republican administration," said Americaâs uber-pundit Fred Kondracke, who surprisingly had nothing else to talk about today.
Yet, despite the flurry of warnings, Labor must mount a concerted campaign in the coming months if it is to have any hope of catching up to the leaders.
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