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THE ADVENTURES OF SUPER PREZ
January 8, 2002
Today I signed an education bill. Now all American students will have as much of an opportunity to demonstrate the results of a good education as I have.
January 7, 2002
If there is one criticism the political pundits constantly throw at me, it is that I am too much of a "hands-on" president, i.e., I try and tackle too many of the worldâs problem on my own and not let the rest of my cabinet have a say in anything.
This thought came to me as I was working in my study the other night, listening to "Wagnerâs Ring Cycle" and debating where I should include a reference to Alexis de Tocqueville in my State of the Union speech.
Just then I received a call from Dick Cheney.
"Mr. President," he said, "I know youâre in charge and all that, but how about just letting me have a little responsibility in this administration once in a while?"
"Well Dick," I responded, "Perhaps youâre right. Tell you what. Iâm a little busy with foreign policy these days so how would you like to help me out with my economic plan."
"Gee, Mr. President, can I? That would be swell."
"Donât mention it Dick. And feel free to call me if you think something might seem difficult."
"Oh thank you so much, Mr. President. And just one more thing. Would you mind helping me with #35 across in the Sunday New York Times crossword? I need a 12-letter word from Middle French that means 'sleight of hand.'"
"That would be legerdemain, Dick."
"Oh thank you, Mr. President."
"Donât mention it, Dick."
January 4, 2002
Light schedule today: Reread Hegel aboard Air Force One, send letter to The New York Review of Books regarding recent article by Stephen Jay Gould on Darwinian Fundalmentalism, make sure people at State Department understand the ramifications of the political turmoil following the elections in Zambia.
January 3, 2002
Happy New Year, Feliz Ano Nuevo, Bonne Annee, Snovim Godim, my fellow Americans. As the most popular leader ever to serve public office, I felt it necessary to start the new year with a written record of my presidency.
As you may know, there is nothing I like better than to wake up early in the morning, grab a cup of coffee, finish the London Times crossword, brush up on my Urdu and then reflect on the day ahead.
But these are not ordinary times, and thus there is much to ponder these days. Furthermore, as the most popular leader who has ever lived, I have an added responsibility to resolve the worldâs problems wherever they may be: the Middle East, Africa, the environment or defense.
Today, one of the major global problems lies in Kashmir. I wish I had a dollar for every time I have entered a briefing and told Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell that the militancy of Hizbul Mujahideen, Lashkar-e-Toyeba and Harkat-ul-Mujahideen must be quelled. Now it appears that the dire predictions I made on the campaign trail and early in my presidency are starting to come true.
Fortunately, I recently had the opportunity to exercise my skills as a global peacemaker and speak to both Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf and Indian Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee. In order to help break the tension between the two leaders, I quoted from one of my favorite sources, the English poet Matthew Arnold (1822â1888):
"Peace, peace is what I seek and public calm,
Endless extinction of unhappy hates."
"Oh, Mr. President. You are so right," they each said in unison. "It is incumbent upon us to resolve our differences peacefully and as soon as possible."
And thus I was successfully able to avert another international catastrophe.
Now, my dear compatriots, if you will excuse me, the burdens of the presidency call. I must be bid you all adieu for today.
-- George "Wunderkind" Bush
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