CANADIAN NEWS Today's Headlines Translated Into Canadian
Bush Declares War Is Over
President George W. Bush (the guy who serves more or less the same role as Jean Chretien, but is not nearly as fluent in English) will declare this week that the war against Saddam Hussein (a man who is 100 times more evil than Brian Mulroney) is over.
Business: Wall Street Up
The United States (home to Celine Dion, Shania Twain and Rich Little) version of the TSE had a good day today, eh.
Entertainment: Madonna Takes Action
Madonna (the American entertainer who enjoys popularity similar to that of Anne Murray) is fighting back against the sharing of music on the Internet (a network of computers assembled by Al Gore, an American leader with the charisma of Jean Charest and Gordon Campbell rolled into one.)
Sports: Yankees Win
The New York Yankees (a team almost as great as the Canadiens) won again in a questionable kind of sport where they use sticks, yet still there are hardly any fights.
Weather
Canada will experience a diverse range of weather today from freezing cold in the Maritimes, to extremely cold in Ontario and Quebec, icy and cold in the Prairies, unseasonably cold in British Columbia, and near absolute zero in the Yukon and Northwest Territories.