|
THE FRENCH DILEMMA;
left();
middletop();
TRANSFORMATIONS My Sex Life Sure Has Improved Ever Since I Became A Fictional Character 
In real life I, Bernie Goldstein, was just your average guy. I was never what you might call a hotshot with the ladies. But boy did that all change once I turned myself into a fictional character.
My fictional character is everything I am not. Suave, debonair, always able to get a lady's attention with some clever witticism or a subtle wink of the eye. Take Janet, the brunette I met last Saturday night. Tall, curvaceous. She was the sort of girl who never even have given me the time of day in real life. But, since on paper I am dark, slim, with a full head of hair, Janet was all over me. Then there was Cathy, the blond I picked up at the bowling alley on Sunday. We were back at her place before you could say âI'll take that 4-7 split.â And let's not forget Alice from the pizzeria, Donna from the office, or Betty who I met on the elevator. Whether it be in the streets of Paris or the beaches of the Caribbean, beautiful women can't seem to get enough of me these days. I have so many women now I don't know what to do. I have even had to get myself an unlisted number. And all it cost me was few well-placed adjectives and a nifty change of scenery. As a matter of fact, this new romantic technique has proved so successful that I might try doing the same thing with my financial statements. |