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LETTERS
My Son Couldnât Vouch For His Companyâs Statements Becauseâ¦
To: SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt
From: James R. Cretin II
Dear Chairman Pitt,
My son Jimmy, the president and CEO of Spinron Corporation (NYSE:SCAM), was unable to meet todayâs SEC deadline for signing off on the accuracy of his companyâs financial statements because his dog ate them after they were accidentally placed in a paper shredder.
Still, I am sure he will do everything he can to get them to you as soon as possible.
As you know he has been very busy recently with various extra-curricular commitments -- court appearances, congressional testimony and perp walks.
Nevertheless, I believe Jimmy is trying really hard to be a good boy. Only last week he reduced the amount of toxic waste his company pours into local rivers to just seven times over the lethal limit.
Please, Mr. Pitt, I am sure that if you let Jimmy off leniently this time then he will be less inclined to forget about reporting the odd billion dollars in his annual reports, cease manipulating the companyâs stock price, stop bribing leaders of foreign governments, refrain from registering nonexistent deals as profitâ¦
Yours Truly,
James R. Crentin
James R. Cretin II, Jimmyâs Dad
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