|
|
TV
An Excerpt From 'This Old Presidential Palace'
George: Good morning, and welcome to âThis Old Presidential Palace.â Iâm your host, George W. Bush. Weâre here in Baghdad, Iraq, at this old, abandoned presidential palace
that was bombed out by a show of force powerful enough
to leave you in shock and awe.
Now, the new owners wanted to put on French doors,
but we on the show formed a coalition of the willing
and threatened to veto the project if they
insisted on it. Hereâs our home security expert, Tom Ridge. Tom, what advice do you have for
our project?
Tom: Well, George, to achieve a fashionable interior as well as prevent health hazards from chemical, biological and nuclear weapons, not to mention anthrax, we strongly encourage the use of duct tape and plastic sheeting to get the desirable effect. We donât want to alarm you, but we thought we would put this on highest alert.
George: Thanks, Tom. I see Dick Cheneyâs here. Dick, what do you have for us?â
Dick: Well, George, the previous owner had a series of underground bunkers where he would go to avoid being detected by foreign intelligence services and weapons of mass destruction from international military organizations seeking to liberate the citizens of his country from his ruthless and tyrannical dictatorial treatment. He also had a stockpile of weapons of mass destruction, that he denied he had, in some of these bunkers, as well.
George: Dick, they were probably so well hidden that inspectors probably could not have found them if they would have been allowed access. What do you think should be done with these bunkers?
Dick: Well, George, as someone who has spent a lot of time in special secret hiding places myself, I think they should be converted to a media room with a big screen plasma TV so you can keep up with the constant media coverage of world events.
George: Sounds great, Dick! Donald Rumsfeld, what advice do you have for our homeowners?
Don: Well, George, they wanted something either French or German. I told them that it was too âold Europe.â I have strongly encouraged them to consider something more along the lines of what could be considered as ânew Europe.â
George: That should be fine. Thanks, Don. Colin Powell, you figure that the previous owner hid those weapons of mass destruction in the fallout bunkers, as Dick Cheney mentioned, for quite awhile, right?
Colin: Thatâs right, George. We figure itâs been over the last 12 years that the previous owner would not disarm. The local government kept passing ordinances and resolutions compelling the previous owner to disarm, or be disarmed by the use of force. He simply didnât comply. Now that he has been forced out, we can send inspectors in to find any additional materials, so as not to have any surprises, as well as to perform an environmental impact study before we can do any more work.
George: Wow, great. Thanks for that update, Colin. Hey, Condoleezza Rice, what interior decorating advice do you have for our new owners?
Condoleezza: Well, George, I think we have to reverse the trend of the previous owner. Letâs face it, the previous owner was horrible to his neighbors and other fellow citizens.
With that in mind, we have to take a light approach that says to the outside
world that the new owners are good people who want to be warmly accepted by their neighbors.
This would include bright colors on the walls with plenty of light to illuminate the room. Friendly fabrics on the refurbished furniture will complement the paintings and sculptures in the various rooms, as well.
George: Thanks, Condi, weâll look forward to that. Ari Fleischer, what can we expect from the exterior?
Ari: George, weâll have a paver patio with wrought iron furniture and a grill for outdoor entertaining. Leading up to the patio will be an asphalt walkway enhanced along the side by stonework in the ground, embedded like a journalist with a military unit covering a war. The lawn will also have a renewed landscape, complete with mulch, trees, shrubs, and, in your honor, bushes!
George: Ari, Iâm honored by that. Thanks. I see that over the course of the next few weeks and months ahead, thereâs a lot of work to be done. People are already hard at work trying to make this transformation happen. So, for the coalition of the willing, Iâm George W. Bush. See you next time on âThis Old Presidential Palace.â
Send this page to a friend
Back to Chortler homepage
Copyright © 2003 postdocme.net
|
|
Our sponsors help make Chortler possible. Please support them.
|
