 Chortler Features
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OSBOURNES
Mounting Global Tensions Threaten To Disrupt Next Episode of 'The Osbournes'
In his strongest statements yet, President George W. Bush has urged the leaders of India and Pakistan to cool their heated rhetoric as an escalation in tensions threatens to divert attention from the next episode of "The Osbournes."
"Since the tragic events of last year, the American public has not had an opportunity to focus exclusively on meaningless, senseless television," said Mr. Bush. "However, instability in that region over there could force television viewers to concentrate on serious issues yet again."
"I know I personally canât wait for the next round of adventures featuring Ozzy, Sharon and the gang. The last thing we need is to switch to Peter Jennings or Dan Rather because of some breaking developments in the East," continued the president.
To demonstrate his commitment to the issue, the president has dispatched Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to the region to help impress upon the leaders of both nations the importance of trash television towards maintaining a semblance of global stability.
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