 Chortler Features
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INTERNATIONAL NEWS
Countries Deemed 'Axis of Obscurity'
In remarks guaranteed to incite a fierce debate among the fifteen people who actually take an interest in Sunday morning talk shows, administration officials have deemed Canada, New Zealand and Finland an "axis of obscurity."
"Very few people know or care where these countries are. As such, it is very difficult to anticipate what their next move may be, particularly if we donât even know the names of their capital cities," said Robert Sigmore, Assistant Secretary of State for Little Known Places.
Administration officials warn that while these countries may appear to be friendly on the surface, there is the possibility that people within their borders may harbor views and opinions.
Experts expect the threat of obscurity from Canada was greatest since the possible loss of the Montreal Expos franchise bodes even fewer Canadian news items.
"What do we have to do? We gave you Canadian bacon, Molson and Peter Jennings and you still donât know anything about us," declared a bemused Jean Chretien, Canadaâs Prime Minister for Life, in a news conference that was not picked up by any American services.
Intelligence sources go on to say that Finland may be planning an imminent attack to help free itself from obscurity as well. Sources say that even more mobile phones, vodka and herring could flood American markets in the coming weeks.
In the meantime, nobody seemed to know what New Zealand was doing.
Though not mentioned, analysts expect Australia, Belgium and some other country that begins with âPâ to join the list if they do not take adequate measures to rein in total obscurity.
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