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SPORTS


Doctors Fail To Separate Nike Ads From Tiger Woods

Doctors hoping to separate two Nike advertisements permanently lodged to golfer Tiger Woods admitted defeat early Friday after 30 hours of surgery.

A team of 25 doctors worked tirelessly to remove the two ads, one on his head and the other on his shirt. Both became indelibly attached to Woods after he won his first Masters back in 1997. He has never been seen in public without them ever since.

"Golly, as much as I wanted to be my own person, I guess I’ll just have to find some way to live with the millions of dollars I am getting from them to endorse their product," said Woods after the unsuccessful operation.

Despite the hours of intensive surgery, Woods was said to be resting comfortably in his luxury home with his gorgeous Swedish girlfriend, Elin Nordgren, and preparing to win yet another major championship this week.

The last known case of an athlete successfully being able to free himself completely of all product endorsements happened in 2000 when pitcher John Rocker granted an interview to Sports Illustrated.

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