 Chortler Features
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WORLD
Russia Now Junior Partner in NATO; Peace Declared in the Middle East
A unanimous shock was felt by all fourteen regular NPR listeners this morning upon hearing the news that Russia is to become a junior partner in NATO. However, the improbable news was quickly overshadowed by the announcement that peace had been declared in the Middle East.
As a junior NATO partner Russia is now able to use the NATO gym after 3 p.m. on weekdays, no longer has to park in the spots designated for "guests" and gets a dollar off its next Happy Meal at participating McDonaldâs.
Yet despite developments at the NATO meeting, reports of an historic peace agreement between the Israelis and Palestinians dominated world headlines.
At a joint press conference between the two sides, Israeli Prime Minister said of his Palestinian counterpart Yasser Arafat: "I love this man like a brother."
"Right back at you, Ari, ya big kibbitzer. Did I ever say you were my hero?" responded Arafat.
In other news, President Bush embraced calls for more stringent international environmental laws, an organization representing French chefs said it intends to include more English recipes in its culinary repertoire and the Presidentâs daughter Jenna is expected to graduate with honors from the University of Texas.
Meanwhile in business Amazon.com posted the largest ever recorded profit on Wall Street and in sports Anna Kournikova won the first tournament of her tennis career.
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