 Chortler Features
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TECH
Microsoft Agrees to Go Without Computers, Running Water and Electricity
In a stunning announcement intended to keep the company from splitting into two or more separate entities, Microsoft has agreed to demands made by nine states and software competitors to forego computers, running water and electricity for the next three years.
According to the latest reports, the technology behemoth will now shift its operations from being a dominant, monopolistic software maker and start producing tie-dye shirts.
Microsoft also plans to move its headquarters from Redmond, Washington to the 120-acre Golden Sunshine Ranch 20 miles east of Pendleton, Oregon.
"We are going to get by and be the best darn shirt maker there is. Our new Tie-Dye 2000 shirt that we are going to release in the fall of 2005 is a real winner," Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft, said in a message to all employees sent out on the companyâs homing pigeon network.
However, in a setback to the companyâs plans to dominate the tie-dye market, dozens of customers who bought beta versions of the shirts in Berkeley, California claimed that the new Microsoft product crashed their washing machines.
Furthermore, several leading manufacturers of clothing designed for 1960s throwbacks charge that Microsoft is unfairly bundling its tie-dye shirts with overalls, dungarees and sandals.
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