 Chortler Features
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COOKING
Martha's Recipe For Becoming A Billionairess
(Enough to feed more than a few white collar criminals.)
Nobody loves the summer holidays more than I do. With the Fourth of July coming, what better time to meet with friends and associates at someoneâs private 300-acre ranch, have an exclusive barbecue and exchange insider stock tips.
Hereâs one of my recipes that was a sure-fire winner throughout the 1990s, regardless of season. And the wonderful thing is that it can be served half-baked. It is prepared in the same way as the Enron Super Slick Recipe For Success we made a few months ago.
Ingredients
a top-notch paper shredder -- donât forget Andersen is practically giving them away at their going-out-of-business sale
an excess of arrogance
oversight (depending on personal taste, may be outrageously high for some)
a winning smile
a few pinches of chutzpah
Directions
1) Take a questionable biotech company, though for our purposes we could also use a financial, Internet, or even an oil company.
2) Mix with rosy forecasts and inflated numbers.
3) Sweeten with plenty of sugary statements.
4) Spin around and around.
5) Sift out any negative news.
6) Throw in all the books in the immediate vicinity and cook them too.
7) Continue along with recipe even if you start to smell something funny.
8) Sponge off any leftover dough from employee retirement savings.
9) Layer with shredded documents.
10) Close eyes and try to digest.
If you have any questions about how to prepare this recipe, then donât hesitate to call your broker. But not over a WorldCom line â that wouldnât be such a good thing.
Martha
Copyright © 2002 postdocme.net
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