 Chortler Features
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SPORTS
US Carries On Tradition Of Soccer Mania
Soccer, or as Americans like to say âfootball,â continues to obsess the country as tens of millions of people are expected to be glued to their television sets to catch the Germany versus USA match early Friday morning.
"Tiger who? Is it Gary Bonds or Harry Bonds?" asked Nick Schwartz, a New York City cab driver. "Those guys can only dream of being household names like Claudio Reyna, Brad Friedel and
Brian McBride."
Although it had been a foregone conclusion that the United States would advance to the quarterfinals, any finish less than bringing home the Cup will be viewed with considerable dissatisfaction among the countryâs enormous soccer cognoscenti.
Riot police in most major cities will be on call in case the German side launches a surprise upset and beats the US, thereby causing disgruntled American fans to hit the streets in the tens (if not hundreds) of thousands.
In the meantime, the rest of the world remains confounded by Americaâs preoccupation to what is, after all, only a game.
Italy, for example, whose team lost in the last minute to South Korea, graciously handled its defeat. Italian fans did not march through their town centers, throw pasta at the television or blame questionable officiating for their team's sudden exit from the World Cup.
In Russia, soccer aficionados calmly took their sideâs loss to the Japanese.
Likewise, Englandâs famously quiet and reserved soccer supporters are preparing to have tea and crumpets â win or lose -- following their game against Brazil.
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