LISTS


John Kerry's To-Do List For Today

6 am - 9 am - Work on hair.

9:30 am - 10 am - Meet with stylist regarding new tax proposals.

10 am - 10:30 am - Make sure hair reflects my position on Iraq.

10:30 am -12 pm - Work on hair some more.

12pm -1 pm - Stress the differences between my hair and that of Al Gore's and Joe Lieberman's.

1pm - 2pm - Lunch. Chance to find some spare time to work on hair.

2 pm - 4pm - Campaign appearances. Impress on voting public that there is more to me than my hair. (Note to self: Bring extra gel in case there is a strong wind.)

4 pm - 6 pm - Meeting with campaign staff. Discuss war on terrorism, corporate fraud and trimming the edges off a bit.

6 pm - 7 pm - Eat high-fiber dinner. Good for hair.

7 pm - 8 pm - Appearance on Crossfire to discuss hair foreign policy.

8 pm - 11 pm - Rent a video. I haven't seen “Hair” in a while.

11 pm - reread Cristophe's new hairstyle catalogue before going to sleep.

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