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SHOW BIZ
Jennifer Lopez To Cut Back On Male Fantasy Workload
Jennifer Lopez, the sensual celebrity who has starred in over six trillion sexual fantasies since 1993, announced today that she plans to the reduce the amount of time she spends lodged in the male imagination.
Citing commitments to movies, music, modeling and filing for divorce every three months, a spokesperson for Lopez said the star simply does not have the time to be cast in so many fantasies, many of which are downright bizarre.
Lopez appears in a staggering 700 million male fantasies a day - 400 million in the teenage male demographic alone. The star now intends to surface in half that number, which will still place her significantly ahead of her nearest rivals, Pamela Anderson and Elizabeth Hurley.
The news came as a severe blow to Gus McDingle, 25, of Hollywood, Florida, who was right in the middle of a Lopez fantasy, his second of the day, when word of her decision spread.
"Dang, I guess Iâll have to go out and get a life," said McDingle. "I hate it when things like this happen."
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