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Chortler scoops the Borowitz Report with the following story!!!
NEWS
Cheney and Rumsfeld To Take On Iraq With Their Bare Hands
As domestic and international support for a military attack on Iraq dwindles, Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld have chosen to go it alone and launch an attack themselves.
"We donât need the support of Congress, our allies or even the American people. Heck, we donât even need an army. Dick and I can take care of these guys by ourselves," declared Rumsfeld.
"And believe me, thereâs 500,000 Iraqi soldier who donât want to see Dick when heâs angry. Heâll eat those punks for breakfast," he added.
Long feared as one of the most potent weapons in the U.S. arsenal, Cheney is known to be vicious when provoked. Sources tell postdocme.net that the vice president can now bench press four times his own body weight.
Reports show that in all likelihood Cheney and Rumsfeld will set forth a two-pronged attack. Cheney will enter in from the north, disarm the enemy and Rumsfeld will come in for the final swoop.
"These two are the fiercest fighters the U.S. has," said NBC anchorman Tom Brokaw. "And besides an attack on Iraq will give us the ratings boost we so desperately need."
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