As a whacked-out member of Congress, I feel it is my patriotic duty to do something so totally outrageous that the rest of the world just shakes its head and wonders.
At this time our great nation is threatened as never before by a heinous enemy bent on evil and destroying our way of life. I speak of none other than France.
This lying, cheating, conniving enemy will stop at nothing to block America's God-given right to do whatever the hell it damn well pleases.
That is why I believe we should immediately impose a ban on France's number one export to these here United States of America -- French kissing.
Since its inception into our country, French kissing has caused nothing more than sexual liberation, fulfillment and gratification. Therefore, it must be stopped at once.
The ban should also extend to French condoms, French whips and French chains. And last but not least French Stewart, the guy who played Harry on 3rd Rock From the Sun.
Thank you and God bless America.
Bob Ney
Bob Ney
United States House of Representatives
My Fellow Americans,
