February 23, 2001

Well it turns out I won't be needing a British interpreter after all. It seems this Prime Minister Blair guy speaks English pretty good. I wish I could speak a second language like that.

February 22, 2001

I am pushing education again this week my fellow Americans because I believe every five-year-old starting school should have the same opportunity for education as I did. Every young child in kindergarten should be able to know as many words and the names of as many places as I do. And I believe that at the end of my first four years in office we shall reach that point.

February 21, 2001

As I mentioned before I don't speak British but someone told me about a report on the British Broadcasting Corporation saying that some singer named Madonna or something said that another singer named M and M was no more disgusting than George Bush. The truth is I don't see what is so disgusting about M and M either. I mean it melts in your mouth and not in your hands. Now, if it melted in your hands then maybe I would feel differently.

February 20, 2001

Well, in case there was any doubt about me leaving my mark on the international stage. Why this morning reading through the headlines my knowledge of world events hasn't gone unnoticed. Let me just site some of the press I just got. Now how's this for recognition -- Bush Ist Ein Politisch Dummkopf, Bush est un Idiot, and Bush es Loco. If only the American press could be as unbiased as the rest of the world.

February 19, 2001

Seems like there are a lot of people questioning my ability to lead. Well, I'd like to see them down eight chicken burritos over lunch, talk about something or other about our relations with Mexico, bomb Iraq and then give a press conference in 100 degree weather. Well, if that ain't leadership I don't know what is.

February 16, 2001

I am excited because today I get to hop into Air Force One for another trip. Today I am off to Latin America. Too bad I never paid any attention when we were studying Latin in school.

February 15, 2001

I wanted to take this opportunity to stress that I am against the 'overdeployment' of US troops-- especially in countries I have never heard of before.

February 14, 2001

It's just not true what people are saying about Clinton stealing all the headlines three weeks after he left office. Why right after the headlines "Inquiry into Clinton Pardons", "Inquiry into Clinton Office Building", and "Inquiry into Clinton Gifts", one can clearly see a headline about Gladiator getting 12 nominations for the Academy Awards.

February 13, 2001

It appears this Marin Sheen, the guy who plays President on TV has called me a moron in a report on the British Broadcasting Corporation. Unfortunately I don't speak British so I have to rely on what people have told me.
But let me just say there is a big difference between playing President on TV and playing President in real life. For one thing Martin Sheen has a lot better ratings than I do.

February 12, 2001

Yippee!!! The time I have been waiting for. Instead of sitting around the office studying all of the countries beginning with the letter "A", I finally get to ride in Air Force One today. I sure hope they let me play Play Station 2 while on board.

February 11, 2001

I just called outgoing Israel Prime Minister Ehud Barak. Told him that maybe he should consider demanding a recount. But apparently they have this odd system over there whereby the person who collects the most votes after an election is considered the winner.

February 9, 2001

There’s a warning light on America’s dashboard, ladies and gentlemen, and it’s questioning how this guy, who looks like a deer in the headlights whenever he speaks on television, got into the driver’s seat. … No, the light is saying why is that the richest five percent of Americans pay the least amount of taxes. And that isn’t fair, ladies and gentlemen. That is why I say we should extend tax breaks to the richest ten percent.

I, George F Bush, have always stood for the average man. The average man who flies first class, vacations twice a year in the south of France, owns his two homes, his private yacht and can afford admission to a Colin Powell lecture. Let it be known that wherever there is a struggling, desperate CEO of a multinational corporation in need of a tax break, I will be there.

February 8, 2001

I have been reading that some so-called humorists have been saying that my presidency has been the best thing to happen in their careers in a long time. This may be so. But shouldn't I get royalties every time one of these comedians says the word "subliminable"?

February 7, 2001

Well, it sure is hard to believe that three months ago I stole..er...won the election. For posterity's sake I thought I would leave my loyal diary reader's with an excerpt of my historic conversation with Al Gore that night.

Al: George given the tabulations compiled through various and sundry media at this period it would be premature for me to concede electoral defeat.

Me: Uh huh.

Al: Results in the state of Florida governed by your younger sibling Jed have ultimately proved inconclusive and have rendered the necessity for a more comprehensive tally.

Me: Uh huh

Al: Therefore, I would like to retract any statements I made in our prior conversation that may have left any unintended impression that I was determined to acknowledge this concession.

Me: Uh huh

Let the record show how I held my ground.

February 6, 2001

Well seems there’s this guy named Blair over in France that kind of wants to talk to me. Told him that I am a big fan of French food especially them fries and toast they got over there.
As a matter of fact my good buddy I mean Vice-President Cheney told me the other day that Paris isn't only a place in Texas but a large city in France. I love this job. A guy can learn so much.

- George