 Chortler Features
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MEDIA
Networks Clone First Anchorman; More Intelligent Life Could Follow
In a groundbreaking development, scientists working for the major networks announced they have successfully performed the first known cloning of a news anchorman. The breakthrough may lead the way for the cloning of more intelligent life forms.
"It really wasnât that hard," said Ivano Repeto, a spokesman for the project. "All we needed was some cardboard, a pair of scissors and a tape recorder, and in a few hours we had our anchorman. Weâre not talking rocket science here."
Rumors regarding the artificial reproduction of television news readers have been widespread since the birth of the medium itself. Yet, though broadcasters from Atlanta to Anchorage may look and sound the same, no direct proof of cloning had been found to this point.
KSHT, a network affiliate in Spokane, Washington, was the first broadcaster to use the clone anchor. The station says its ratings have jumped since they started using the clone last week.
"People just find the clone more trustworthy. Besides he makes people happy when the news is bad and isnât that what we really want out of our news people after all," said Stan Slick, the president of the station.
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