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NEWS
Canada Declares Independence
In an astounding action that was not noticed until several days later, Canada, the 51st state, has separated the rest of the country, a move that may force the U.S. to import even more of its hockey players from abroad.
"They did what? Who were they again? Oh, well," said State Department spokesman Richard Boucher.
Canada, by far the biggest but least known of the 51 states, was the nationâs leading producer of maple syrup, sentences ending in âehâ and figure skating scandals.
"The United States has taken us for granted for too long," said Canadaâs defiant leader Jean Chretien, who, in a further blow to the U.S., will now be called âprime ministerâ and not âthat guy who does everything we tell him to.â
"From now on Krispy Kreme will be known as Tim Hortonâs, Budweiser will become Molson and football will have three downs instead of four," vowed Chretien to the largest ever assembled audience of parka and toque wearers.
Chretienâs address was simultaneously broadcast on the Canadian affiliates of CBS, ABC, CNN, PBS, Fox and NBC, which in future will be collectively referred to as the CBC.
Though Chretien concedes the new country faces several challenges, it does at least now know what to do with all those coins and paper bills with the Queenâs picture on them.
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