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NEWS
Manâs Schedule Remains Empty Despite Switch To Bisexuality
Contrary to his hopes that he might double his chances of getting a date, Bob Cansado, 46, of Cleveland, Ohio, still has plenty of open space on his calendar after his announcement last week that he is bisexual.
"I guess two times zero is still zero. Gosh, this could all have something to do with me," said a perplexed Cansado, who recently placed personal advertisements in both the "Men Seeking Women" and "Men Seeking Men" sections of his local paper to no avail.
"Could it have something to do with me still living with my parents? Or maybe itâs because I'm bald and overweight and without any viable means of supporting myself?" he asked.
Others, though, have suggested that Cansadoâs extended celibate drought may be caused by his chronic body odor and half-inch penis.
And yet a third school of thought on the matter argues that prospective dates might be turned off by Cansadoâs extensive collection of garden gnomes, his seemingly religious devotion to watching the Weather Channel and his encyclopedic knowledge of nail filing.
Cansadoâs one and only date in his life occurred when he took his sister to the high school prom nearly three decades ago. (Record keepers have, however, decided to place an asterisk beside this event.)
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