 Chortler Features
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SPORTS
Selig Closing In On Absolute Zero Popularity
Bud Selig, the embattled commissioner of Major League Baseball, had at least one thing to cheer this week as he is just three votes shy of reaching absolute zero popularity.
The result will signify the crowning achievement of Seligâs Herculean efforts to be disliked by everyone in the country since he took over as commissioner a decade ago.
Seligâs innumerable opponents, adversaries and enemies alike conceded that there is no more deserving candidate for such collective condemnation.
Now all Selig needs is for a crazed taxi driver in Philadelphia, an Idaho lentil farmer and a Texas skeet breeder to vote against him.
If that happens as experts are predicting, then Seligâs minuscule popularity will place him below that of Saddam Hussein, Moammar Gadhafi and even Ghengis Khan on the all-time list.
Experts point to Seligâs decision to call a tie game after this weekâs All-Star game as the proverbial icing on the cake -- following talk of a work stoppage, team contraction and his lack of desire to do anything concrete over steroid use.
If it had not been for Seligâs single-handed determination to bring unfavorable notoriety and disrepute to the game, they add, then baseball would still be Americaâs most popular sport â instead of competing with cricket and jai alai as it is now.
What Selig will do after he succeeds in completely destroying baseball is anyoneâs guess. There have, though, been unconfirmed reports that the Democrats are campaigning to get Selig to become an adviser to President Bush ahead of the 2004 election.
Copyright © 2002 postdocme.net
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