Tiger Woods Has a Lot of Questions to Answer
As members of the public, we have the right to know the most minute and sordid details of Tiger Woods’ private life. How dare he leave so many questions unanswered on a slow news day.
It is an outrage that information about his domestic life and possible affairs with other women has not been revealed sooner. We demand to know who Mr. Woods has been sleeping with, the times, their measurements, the lengths of the encounters, which golf clubs were used (if any).
Yet we are still in the dark about so many issues related to this case. For example, what will their dog use now that the fire hydrant is gone? Do Swedish women always keep a golf club lying around the front of the house in case of emergencies? Was this some diabolical plot to get the White House gala dinner crashers off the front pages?We want answers, Mr. Woods. And, as an online writer living in the basement of parents’ house, I am not going to change out of my pajamas until I get some.
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