Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 07:11:14 AM
LATE LATE Year-End Funny Stuff from Craig Ferguson
The following jokes were provided
to Chortler by THE LATE LATE SHOW
WITH CRAIG FERGUSON.
A great day for Governor Blagojevich.
He still has his job. He didn’t resign. Everyone thought he was going to resign.
Looks like his plan is to keep hanging on, even though the game is over.
Political experts call this strategy: “The Hilary Clinton.”
Bush has been accused of dodging issues in the past.
But who knew he could actually dodge shoes?
62 years old, George W. Bush is, but he still has the reflexes of a cat.
Mind you, I think his head has been on a swivel ever since Cheney shot his lawyer.
The irony of all of this is this shoe-throwing incident is as close as we’ll ever get
to finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
It’s a great day for my friend Jay Leno. A big announcement today:
He is not leaving NBC. He is doing his current show in an earlier time slot, 10pm.
Jay’s getting a little older now…so 10pm is kinda “late night” for Jay.
I’m not sure this is such a good idea.
If Late Night TV starts earlier and earlier,
We’ll have to make up jokes about things that haven’t actually happened yet.
We’ll be making stuff up. Don’t we have a Fox News already?
Jay moving to 10 o’clock might not matter much to you,
but it is very big news in the tiny dark world of late night talk show hosts.
But then in our world, it is big news when a Jonas Brother goes on date,
or when O.J. Simpson becomes someone’s prison bitch.
The Iraqi shoe-thrower guy he’s asked for a pardon from the Iraqi government.
He doesn’t want to fight a court case, so he’s throwing in the towel.
President Bush was speaking about his presidency, his legacy. He made a speech this week,
He said, “I didn’t compromise my soul to be a popular guy”…
And Dick Cheney said “What’s a soul?”
It’s a great day for America. It is Vice-President Elect Joe Biden’s birthday today
And Barack Obama bought him 12 cupcakes for his birthday. Isn’t that adorable?
It is a smart gift to give Biden cause with his mouth is full of cupcakes, he can’t say anything stupid.
You know who quit smoking recently? Barack Obama ..
Last year Barack Obama told Ellen DeGeneres he was still sneaking few cigarettes a day.
Ellen is great at getting people to be truthful. She got Obama to admit still smoked.
She got Anne Heche to realize she wasn’t proper lesbian.
Apparently Barack Obama’s wife Michelle gave him an ultimatum.
She said that if he didn’t quit, she wouldn’t support him running for President.
And I am thinking what is she gonna do, switch sides and start supporting McCain?
I mean she’s not Joe Lieberman.
The following jokes were provided
to Chortler by THE LATE LATE SHOW
WITH CRAIG FERGUSON.
