Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 05:20:10 AM
MY TURN
This Article Was Co-Written by a Woman
I wanted to come right out at the beginning and state that this article was co-written by a woman. I mention this because it automatically means that all the women who are reading this article will think it is wonderful and recommend it to all their female friends.
However, as some critics have been clamoring to point out, my fellow columnist has no real experience or knowledge to speak of with regards to the printed word. I would like to emphasize that this is simply not the case. Her publishing record should be the envy of all people, not just the women I am so anxious to please.
This is, after all, a woman who once sent in a letter to the local newspaper in the town of 8,000 people where she was raised on the best way to skin a carp. She won a state-wide recipe competition for instructions on preparing the perfect moose-burger with 65 percent of the vote. She has corresponded countless times with her local pastor praising the work he has done in Christianizing the people of her city and her state.
Any attempts to say she lacks the necessary know-how won’t wash with the majority of women who are reading this piece. It is frankly insulting to them. I am talking about a woman who wears a dress, a woman who cleans her house and cooks dinner for her family, a woman who likes to pray and, most importantly, shoot wild animals dead. If a majority of disgruntled suburban women can’t relate to that, what can they relate to?
Furthermore, this is a woman with strong opinions and convictions who believes she is right whether or not the facts back her arguments. She believes the words “than” and “then” should be interchangeable and therefore supports the teaching of alternative English grammar in our nation’s public schools.
Despite the strong credentials possessed by my co-writer which I have listed, many people still are scratching their heads and wondering why I, a writer known above all for his experience, would have chosen her as my co-writer.
“We never cared for what you had to write or your style,” these people say, “but you were at least experienced and we had a smidgen of respect for you because of it. Now you’ve gone and blown that selling point by co-writing with someone who is devoid of expertise in the trade.”
To that I have to ask: What is the big deal with experience all of a sudden? Are you seriously trying to tell me that the majority of Americans would prefer to be operated on by a doctor with experience over one who looks great in a skirt? Would my fellow countrymen and women choose a pilot with a long and distinguished safety record ahead of one who can change a diaper in record time? Most of all, would they select a president or a vice president based on what he or she has done in the past? I think not.
I wanted to come right out at the beginning and state that this article was co-written by a woman. I mention this because it automatically means that all the women who are reading this article will think it is wonderful and recommend it to all their female friends.
