Monday, February 13, 2006 08:14:40 AM
ADVICE
Ask Dick Cheney For February 13, 2006
(America's favorite self-help guru answers your
stupid questions.)
Dear Dick,
I have this nasty habit of always shooting myself in the foot.
It drives my wife Laura crazy. What can I do in order to
stop this?
- George
Dear George,
The problem is obvious. You haven't been aiming at
your foot. Aim at your foot next time and surely
you won't hit it.
Dear Dick,
I have developed a terrible tendency of shooting
my mouth off lately. Wherever I do I get myself
in a lot of trouble. For example, last week I said
I belonged in the Bible.
- Kanye West
Dear Kanye,
Next time your mouth goes off just say it was âan accident.â
And whatever you do, don't confirm this âaccidentâ until word
gets out in the press a full 24 hours later.
Dear Dick,
I 've been shot by a number of photographers
in the presence of the president of the United States.
- Jack Abramoff
Dear Jack,
It wasn't me. I had nothing to do with it.
Besides you've never met him.
Remember?
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