Tuesday, January 31, 2006 12:20:10 PM
ADVICE
Dick Cheney Lovingly Answers Your Stupid Questions
Dear Dick,
I've got to give a big speech tonight. Perhaps the biggest speech
of my life in order to fool convince the American
people I am still up for the job. Any suggestions as to what I should say?
- George
Dear George,
Hmm ... I hear Canada is stockpiling large supplies of
Kevin Federline's music which they are planning to use
against the United States in the future.
Dear Dick,
I shall henceforth be relinquishing the proverbial
podium from
which I orchestrated multitudinous recondite monetarist
proclamations vis-a-vis the ramifications of persistent
pragmatism and perennial prognostications. What should
I do?
- Alan Greenspan
Dear Alan,
Say what?
Dear Dick,
When I married him, my husband was just your average Yale-educated,
former cocaine-snorting, born-again Texas guy. However, for the last
five or so years he seems to think he's God. Please help.
- Laura B
Dear Laura B,
As you know, the Lord works in mysterious ways. And there's nobody whose work is
more mysterious than mine.
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