Friday, June 03, 2005 06:18:23 AM
TRANSLATIONS
Michael Jackson Pal Frank Tyson Translated
Long-time Michael Jackson supporter Frank Tyson spoke to ABC's "Primetime Live" and we were there to
translate.
Frank Tyson: This is something that the prosecution and this mother created.
Translation: Not very imaginative, huh?
Frank Tyson: You would think, if [the accuser] was being touched inappropriately, he would say, 'Thank you Mom, for taking me away.'
Translation: Similarly, you would think Michael would quit sleeping with boys after that 1993 accusation.
Frank Tyson: I really believe that she created this in her head.
This is a family and a mother who would do anything, to any extent, to get any type of fame. Even to this extent.
Translation: I mean, look at what Iâm doing ⦠anything to get fame even if it requires talking about things I know nothing about.
Frank Tyson: Like, I'm Frank Tyson from Jersey, from the 'Sopranos?' Come on, man! That's crazy! I'm not that person.
Translation: And if you say I am, Iâll have you all whacked ⦠WHACKED!!!!
Frank Tyson: He is known all around the world. He does not want to influence a child, to â especially drink alcohol.
Translation: And since Jackson doesnât drink either, itâs obvious that all this alcohol was planted on the premises by the vast SONY conspiracy lead by the evil Tommy Mottola.
Frank Tyson: I'm going to tell you something. If Michael Jackson ever laid a finger on me I would not be in this chair right now. And I don't believe in what they're saying. I don't believe it, because it's not true. At all.
Translation: Please donât have me whacked, Mr. Jackson.
Frank Tyson: They're all lying.
Translation: Of course, Jackson isnât lying when he says heâs never had extensive surgery or those kids have any of his DNA.
The preceding piece was presented to Chortler by the Marshall Dunn Satire Emporium.
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