Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005 11:45:17 AM
TRANSLATIONS The Paris Hilton Commericial For Carl's Jr. As Translated By Alan Greenspan
Paris Hilton is once again grabbing the headlines via a spicy commercial she recently
made for Carl's Jr. Here to help us make sense of every syllable Paris uttered in statements about the product she now represents is our guest translator Alan Greenspan.
Paris Hilton: This burger's really hot.
Alan Greenspan Translation: This fried cake of minced beef situated between two slices of rounded bread has served to meet if not exceed preliminary expectations in terms of quality and intensity of the passion upon which I wish to determine its value.
Paris Hilton: The water's spraying. It's cold. But. It's pretty hot.
Alan Greenspan Translation: While on the surface this statement would seem to present a confounding dichotomy vis-a-vis the physical interpretation of temperature introduced by the dispersion of this binary compound, the ensuing subjective opining thenceforth contravenes any pejorative perceptions.
Paris Hilton: It's got jalapenos in it. It's hot.
Alan Greenspan Translation: To bolster an anteceding proclamation, the long peppers of the Capsicum annuum longum variety in concordance with fried circular formations of the edible bulb of the onion plant create a delectable and harmonious culinary end result.
Paris Hilton is once again grabbing the headlines via a 
