Friday, June 03, 2005 02:36:31 PM
TELECOMMUNICATIONS
The Telephone Conversations of Colin Powell
Associates of Colin L. Powell, the former secretary of state, said he had expressed
reservations about Mr. Bolton in conversations with at least two wavering Republican senators.
The New York Times, April 22, 2005
It turns out that former Secretary of State Colin Powell has had a very busy schedule since leaving office at the end of President Bush's first term. Our team of reporters with far too much time on their hands managed to located a number of recent telephone transcripts of the retired statesman and military leader. The following is a sampling of what they found:
December 12, 2004. Call placed to Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein.
"Hi Theo, Colin here. Say, there's no telling how many good years Pedro's got left. Let's face it, he's become erratic at times. My advice to you is to think about the future. Get a first-round draft pick in his place."
February 9, 2005. Call placed to Buckingham Palace.
"Hello Liz? It's me Colin. You know Camilla's not really as bad as you think. Why not make the two kids happy and let 'em get married?"
April 3, 2005 Second call placed to Buckingham Palace.
"Hi Liz. It's me Colin again. Look, I still meant what I said about those two lovebirds getting hitched. However, because of the death of Pope John Paul II, maybe they should delay the wedding until after the funeral."
April 6, 2005 Call placed to a Ms. Britney Spears.
"Hey Britney, it's me Colin. Look you like Kevin, Kevin likes you. You're married. You've got enough dough at 23 to last you three lifetimes. Why not stop all this monkey business and start a family together?"
April 10, 2005. Call placed to Tiger Woods, Augusta, Georgia.
"Three wood."
April 14, 2005. Call placed to a Ms. Paris Hilton.
"Hi Paris. Listen this whole schtick with Nicole is starting to get a bit old. I think it might be time to find a new sidekick. I hear Rod Stewart's daughter is free."
April 19, 2005. Call placed to the Sistine Chapel, Rome.
"C'mon guys, make a decision already. My eyes have been glued to the Vatican Web Cam for the past 24 hours. The suspense is killing me. Get with it and go with Ratzinger. People will grow to like him, believe me."
April 21, 2005. Call placed to Mr. Donald Trump.
"Hi Donald. Colin here. If you ask me Bren has it coming to him. I say it's time to give him a cab ride home."
April 23, 2005. Call placed to Elton John.
"Hi Rocket-man. Colin calling. Listen Elton. It may be by Christmas or it may be next year, but I know you won't go breaking the heart of little David Furnish, for another decade. Levon the tour! Marry the Honky Cat! This your song! ciao."
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