Tuesday, December 21, 2004 07:51:50 PM
ADVICE
Ask Dick Cheney for December 9, 2004
Dear Dick,
I am a really unpopular, soon-to-be former Attorney General of the United States. Why is it nobody likes me? Why? Why? Why? I try to be so nice.
- John Ashcroft (not my real name)
Dear John,
I sympathize completely. I have always tried to be a f**king nice guy, and say nice f**king things to everyone, but still some f**king morons don't like me.
Dear Dick,
I just received a resounding mandate that reaffirms my place in history as the greatest wartime president - if not the greatest president - in the history of my country. How can I ever thank you enough?
-George
Dear George,
Let's see ⦠I know we'll be needing another wide-screen plasma TV for the kitchen we're renovating down in my super-secret, hideaway location.
Dear Dick,
I wanna bomb the heck out of Syria, Iran and North Korea. Can I? Can I? Pretty please? With sugar on top?
- Donald R.
Dear Donald R,
Okay, okay, just this once.
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