Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Monday, March 14, 2005 02:48:26 AM
CAMPAIGN 2004 A Translation of the John Kerry/John Edwards Concession Speech
Edwards: Every vote matters in our America and we will honor every one of you who stood with us and stood in line to change your country.
Translation: Please accept our thanks with these 'buy one, get one free' coupons at the International House of Crow.
Edwards: John Kerry is a great American.
Translation: John Kerry is NOT president, however.
Edwards: In this campaign we worked hard and we hoped the results would be different.
Translation: You may call me a dreamerâ¦
Edwards: You can be disappointed but you cannot walk away. This fight has just begun.
Translation: Hey! HEY! Where you going?
Kerry: Congratulations, Mr. President.
Translation: F**k you!
Kerry: I'm sorry that we got here a little bit late and a little bit short.
Translation: Brother can you spare a dime?
Kerry: Our fight goes on to put America back to work and to make our economy a great engine of job growth.
Translation: Wait, I forgot. Everybody voted against progress, right?
Kerry: Today, I hope that we can begin the healing.'
Translation: MEDIC!
Kerry: We talked about the division in our country and the desperate need for unity and coming today. Today, I hope that we can begin the healing.
Translation: Bringâ¦.outâ¦.your dead!
Kerry: There won't be enough outstanding votes for us to be able to win Ohio and therefore we cannot win this election.
Translation: Wish I'd known that last year this time.
Kerry: In this journey, you have given me the honor and the gift of learning from you.
Translation: So this is what it feels like to be a â¦.how do you sayâ¦.loser?
Kerry: I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Translation: How do you mend, a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop, the sun from shining? What makes the world go roundâ¦OK, now everybody! How can you mend this broken man? How can a loser ever win? Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. So long folks!
The preceding piece was donated to Chortler by the Marshall Dunn Satire Emporium.
