Tuesday, December 21, 2004 07:49:25 PM
ADVICE
Dick Cheney Responds to Your Stupid Questions, October 6, 2004
Dear Dick,
How do you think you did at the debate this Tuesday?
- George
Dear George,
I believe I was able to cast aside the hard-ass image I have undeservedly gained over the past four years and show the American people what a really nice f**king guy I am.
I mean, let's face it, when it comes to g**d**m likeability and that congeniality s**t, John Edwards isn't even in the same f**king ballpark as I am.
Dear Dick,
A follow-up question if I may: How can I become a master debater like you?
- George Again
Dear George Again,
It is well known that 71% of the audience listens to 34% of the debate 56% of the time on the first Tuesday of an even-numbered month. Of that, 11% actually pays attention into the second sentence of a response and a mere .3% stays on by the time the fifth percentage is quoted, thereby creating an impression among 67% of viewers that I have a 49% idea of what I am talking about.
Dear Dick,
Don, Paul Bremer and Colin Powell and just about everyone else except you and me say there were no WMDs in Iraq. What should we do?
- George Yet Again
Dear George Yet Again,
Sorry, gotta run. I'm sure you'll think of something between now and your next debate.
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