Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Monday, March 14, 2005 02:53:46 AM
TRANSLATIONS Ralph Nader Translated into English
Nader: Competition is a canard, and industry insiders know it.
Translation: They also know what the word 'canard' means.
Nader: But, the average fleet efficiency levels in new vehicles have slipped to the lowest level since 1980.
Translation: Excuse me while I back this Hummer over the current administration's energy policy.
Nader: Consumers will save money at the pump, the air we breathe will be cleaner, and the amount of oil we import will decrease.
Translation: It's not easy being Green.
Nader: What government? The Bush Administration is headed by two ex-oil fellows and around Bush and Cheney there are 40 high officials who came from the oil and gas industry. Washington is marinated in oil!
Translation: Just add a little salt and pepper and we can cook this goose by November!
Nader: Now Republicans and Democrats can not resist the lure of more frequent redistricting because, depending on who controls the state government, the reward of making their one party districts are obvious.
Translation: My district currently extends from the alley behind Wal-Mart to the Denny's parking lot.
Nader: Large corporations with their giant corporate law firms skilled in battles of attrition and delay can routinely bring the small number of state and federal prosecutors to such levels of concessions, if they do not escape prosecution filings entirely in the first place.
Translation: To compare these corporate law firms to Godzilla would be accurate. However, it would also alienate avid fans of the fictitious movie monster who make up a large portion of my core constituency.
Nader: With the chicken hawk-driven war on Iraq in high gear, Bush and Cheney have learned that the best way to silence the Democratic Party, distract from their miserable domestic outrages and provide the corporate and rich classes with favors is to envelop our nation in fear.
Translation: The Bush Administration has had SOME successes.
Nader: But the chicken hawks in Washington, led by Bush and Cheney, are disregarding the advice of many battle-tested officers, retired Generals and Admirals, diplomats and intelligence officials.
Translation: This Iraqi War plan looks more and more like it was written by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
Nader: For years, consumer activists have asked Al Gore to reverse the U.S. policy of punishing developing country governments that tried to make essential medicines more affordable for sick people. And Gore ignored the calls.
Translation: Now that Gore's got a lot more time on his hands, maybe he'll start taking my freaking phone calls.
Nader: Watching reports describing our draft-dodging president as totally immersed in the scope and details of his Iraqi invasion, a number of puzzling questions arise.
Translation: Ya know...maybe I should have just stayed out of the 2000 election.
The preceding piece was donated to Chortler by the Marshall Dunn Satire Emporium.
