Updated daily because we have nothing better to do.
Monday, March 14, 2005 02:51:58 AM
TRANSLATIONS Excerpts From President Bush's Tuesday Press Conference Translated Into English
Had I had any inkling whatsoever that people were going to fly planes into buildings, we would have moved heaven and earth to protect the country. Just like we're working to prevent further attacks.
Translation: Given the obvious misperceptions surrounding our intelligence dissemination, allow me to introduce a metaphysical impossibility as an actual alternative course of action.
None of these acts is the work of a religion. All are the work of a fanatical political ideology.
Translation: You have to admit there is a certain irony in this.
I don't intend to lose my job. Because I'm going to tell the American people I have a plan to win the war on terror.
Translation: C'mom, trust me on this. Just this once.
I'm sure something will pop into my head here.
Translation: (blank)
The violence we've seen is a power grab by ... extreme and ruthless elements.
Translation: Fire BAD!
That analogy sends the wrong message to our troops and sends the wrong message to our enemy
Translation: Of course, my skill with analogies is about as limited as my pre-911 intelligence and WMD evidence.
The consequences of failure in Iraq would be unthinkable.
Translation: Hey, you know, I never thought about that. Good point.
The preceding piece was donated to Chortler by the Marshall Dunn Satire Emporium.
Had I had any inkling whatsoever that people were going to fly planes into buildings, we would have moved heaven and earth to protect the country. Just like we're working to prevent further attacks.
