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BUSINESS Microsoft Forecasts Sharp Rise In Sexual Activity For Next Fiscal Year 
Microsoft, the world's leading software manufacturer, surprised analysts Wednesday when it released its sexual expectations for next year. The tech powerhouse foresees its overaThe Larry Ellison 'Don't You Losers Wish You Could Have Your Own Game' Same Game
any showcase a very rosy picture. The company is forecasting a dramatic upturn in sexual activity across every sector of its operations. Microsoft is even envisioning an exponential increase in the number of its employees who will lose their virginity next year: 14,096 as opposed to a meager 72 in 2003.
âTotal revenues and sales should be down both internationally and domestically in 2004. But what the heck,â announced an ecstatic Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates at a press conference in which he revealed the company's positive sexual growth outlook. Not everyone, however, was willing to accept Microsoft's optimistic predictions. âFrankly I just don't see Microsoft meeting these expectations if its present sexual activity is anything to go by,â said technology analyst Siegfried Stern. âI'm mean, you just can't count Britney Spears fantasies in with your total numbers.â |