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ENTERTAINMENT
Toby Keith Considered Shoo-In For New Grammy - Most Jingoistic Performance By A Country Artist
In light of the events which have spurred numerous patriotic songs in the past year, the Grammy Awards announced the formation today of a new award category â the most jingoistic performance by a country artist. More...
NEWS
Dovish Powell Out, Ass-Whupper Mercer In As Sec. of State
President George W. Bush rocked the Washington establishment today by announcing that he has asked Secretary of State Colin Powell to step down and is replacing him with crank-calling radio personality Roy D. Mercer. More...
FLORIDA
Fisher-Price Wins Florida Ballot Design Contract
The Florida Elections Commission has awarded Fisher-Price a contract to develop a less confusing balloting system for the state in the run-up to November's elections. More...
NEWS
Ashcroft Justifies Use Of Canadian Slaves On Biblical Grounds
Attorney General John Ashcroft created a stir throughout the United Statesâ northern neighbor yesterday with the announcement that he intends to repeal the 13th Amendment. More...
LETTER
A Message From Jack Belch, Former Head Of Chortler
Greetings Shareholders, Iâm Jack Belch, former chairman and CEO of Chortler Electric, Chortler Television and the fine family of Chortler products you have no other choice but to buy. More...
WORLD NEWS
Bush To World Leaders: 'Now Who Else Upset My Dad?'
In an attempt to single out countries unwilling to lend a hand in the US-led effort to oust Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein from power, President George W. Bush vowed today that he is prepared to go after other heads of state who annoyed his dad. More...
NEWS
Falwell Outraged By âOpenly Gay Purple M&Mâsâ
Mars Inc. came under fire from the Rev. Jerry Falwell, the television evangelist and outspoken gay rights adversary, Sunday when he urged Americans to boycott the candy giant for its decision to add the color purple to M&Mâs. More...
NEWS
Canada Declares Independence
In an astounding action that was not noticed until several days later, Canada, the 51st state, has separated from the rest of the country, a move that may force the U.S. to import even more of its hockey players from abroad. More...
MISC
The Unlikeliest Klez Worm E-Mails
With the Klez worm quickly becoming one of the most widespread computer viruses to date, postdocme.net takes a look at some of the most perplexing e-mails it has created. More...
FLORIDA
Humorists On High Alert After Recent Florida Election
Comedians, cartoonists and Internet satirical sites have been issued the highest alert possible by the Florida Elections Commission following the stateâs primary vote Tuesday. More...
WORLD NEWS
Canadian Marijuana Debate Delayed By Huge Case Of The Munchies
OTTAWA -- The Canadian Parliament has postponed its debate today on the legalization of marijuana and has instead ordered its cafeteria to fix up 5,000 pizzas, 6,000 omelets and 1,200,000 chocolate brownies. More...
NEWS
Alien Crop Circle Size Of Nebraska. Holy S**t! It Is Nebraska!
OMAHA -- In their biggest practical joke to date, a group of alien pranksters descended to Earth over the weekend and left a giant crop circle the size of Nebraska⦠Well, actually, it was Nebraska. More...
NEWS
One Year Later: World Still Coming To Terms With Nic Robertsonâs Hair
A year after its disturbing image was first flashed on television screens, people around the world are still struggling to come to grips with CNN Afghanistan correspondent Nic Robertsonâs hair. More...
WORLD NEWS
North Korea Downgraded To Axis Of Pretty Darn Bad
PYONGYANG â Thousands marched in the streets of the North Korean capital today after hearing the announcement by the International Council on Wickedness that their country has been downgraded. More...
NEWS
20 Geritol Dealers Busted Outside Rolling Stones Concert
BOSTON â In what is thought to be the largest ever operation of its kind, Boston police have apprehended 20 people suspected of pushing Geritol outside the opening of the Rolling Stones "Licks" tour. More...
TV
White House Reality Show Planned For The Fall
Reality television is about to take another step forward with a new White House Reality Show planned to be released this fall on a major network. More...
NEWS
Busy Journalists Ask Bush To Delay Attack On Iraq
Tired, overworked network journalists are urging the Bush administration to postpone any military action against Iraq to a time that fits in better with their schedules. More...
SPORTS
Golf Becomes Olympic Sport; Men With Breasts Go For Gold
Men with sizable breasts, a group long overlooked by the International Olympic Committee, are celebrating today with the announcement that golf will become an Olympic sport at the 2008 Summer Games. More...
NEWS
Chortler scoops Borowitz Report with following story!!!
Cheney and Rumsfeld To Take On Iraq With Their Bare Hands
As domestic and international support for a military attack on Iraq dwindles, Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld have chosen to go it alone. More...
TECH
Liechtenstein Techies Remember Dot.Li Glory Days
VADUZ â Leaders from Liechtensteinâs technological heyday â all five of them â gathered this week to recall the times when their high-flying dot.li companies were the talk of the Vaduz Stock Exchange. More...
NEWS
Fictional Characters Angered By Writer Stereotypes
SHANGRI-LA -- A group of make-believe characters meeting here for the annual Fairness and Accuracy in Fiction conference are demanding that writers show them in a less simplistic light. More...
SPORTS
U.S. Open Anna Coverage Begins
Chortlerâs U.S. Open tennis coverage begins today at 5 a.m. with Annaâs preparations for her opening-round match against Indonesiaâs Angelique Widjaja. More
NEWS
Martha Stewart Favors US Military Action Anywhere, Right Now
In her most hawkish statements to date, billionaire domestic diva Martha Stewart has come out and supported United States military action anywhere in the world and the sooner the better. More...
NEWS
Roman Company Misstated 20 B.C. Financial Results
Enroneous, a Roman company trading in anything it could get its hands on, is said to have misrepresented its earnings for the year 20 B.C. by up to 30 million coins with Caesarâs picture on them. More...
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